My old grandma – 我的老姥 – English

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Getting old is far less scary than feeling old. Although a deteriorating body is one sign of ageing, we are only truly old when we feel old. This is especially true for my grandma.

“老人之年,不可不知。一则以喜,一则以惧。”但我这几年回家看望姥姥时,惧恐怕要远超过喜了。我明显地感受到她的衰老,而且是加速折旧。也许是因为每年回家一次的缘故,这种感觉格外强烈。

姥姥今年八十出头,在这个年代,并不算年纪很大。论身体,其实也并没有很糟糕。除了肺部有些炎症,腿脚不太利索,耳朵不太灵敏,她没有什么大毛病。但每次聊天时,她都要如数家珍地列出自己身体从头到脚的各种问题,然后眉头紧锁地摇摇头,长叹一声,“人老了,没有一个地方是好的”。

我听完其实还有一丝欣喜,她的思路至少很清晰,能准确讲出自己的问题。老人把我从小带大,我当然也能理解她的无奈,于是试着安慰她,“人老了,怎么会一点毛病都没有呢?咱们比上不足,但是绝对比下有余。”老人点点头,但并未真正听进去。她一定要向先进人物看齐——姥爷今年九十,但身体比她硬朗些;她身边病患缠身的例子不可胜数,她却总是选择性地忽略。一个亲戚比她小十岁,患有严重的类风湿,阴雨天气苦不堪言。可人家还常打电话来劝慰姥姥,“想开一些”。

但是姥姥想不开。她嘴上说自己老了,可心里面却接受不了这个现实。她是个十分要强的人。学生时代她以优异成绩,考入一所重点大学,是那个时代不可多得的大学生;工作之后,业务突出,厂里都派她去参加全国技术会议。姥姥每谈起自己的光辉岁月时,总会情不自禁地竖起大拇指摇一摇,自豪之情溢于言表。可退休之后,身体状况却不尽如人意,她无法面对这份衰老。

家人也想了各种办法来试图缓解这些问题。他们苦口婆心劝老人佩戴助听器,设备买回来了,姥姥坚持不戴。直至沟通出现了很大障碍,姥姥决定放弃沟通,“你们说的话都不重要”,老人于是每天封闭于自己的世界里;父母建议买个轮椅,姥姥坚持不坐,“还要有个人推轮椅多麻烦”,老人于是每天把自己禁锢在家里的小空间中。纵你有千条妙计,老人有一票否决。“此题无解”是姥姥最终的答案。

姥姥是真地老了。无论科技怎样发达,也无法挽回一颗衰老的心。而这种消极的心态不可避免地会进一步加速身体的老化。姥姥只是千千万万老年大军中的一员,年轻的我们也许还无法设身处地感受她的痛苦,但毫无疑问,我们总有一天会加入这个行列。在这个老龄化的社会,怎样以一种积极乐观的心态来平和度过人生最后的这个阶段,值得我们每一个人思考。

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September 26, 2017 @ 22:32:17Current Revision
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<p>Getting old is far less scary than feeling old. Although a deteriorating body is one sign of ageing, we are only truly old when we feel old. This is especially true for my grandma.</p> <p>Getting old is far less scary than feeling old. Although a deteriorating body is one sign of ageing, we are only truly old when we feel old. This is especially true for my grandma.</p>
<p>“老人之年,不可不知。一则以喜,一则以惧。”但我这几年回家看望姥姥时,惧恐怕要远超过喜了。我明显地感受到她的衰老,而且是加速折旧。也许是因为每年回家一次的缘故,这种感觉格外强烈。</p>  
<p>姥姥今年八十出头,在这个年代,并不算年纪很大。论身体,其实也并没有很糟糕。除了肺部有些炎症,腿脚不太利索,耳朵不太灵敏,她没有什么大毛病。但每次聊天时,她都要如数家珍地列出自己身体从头到脚的各种问题,然后眉头紧锁地摇摇头,长叹一声,“人老了,没有一个地方是好的”。</p>  
<p>我听完其实还有一丝欣喜,她的思路至少很清晰,能准确讲出自己的问题。老人把我从小带大,我当然也能理解她的无奈,于是试着安慰她,“人老了,怎么会一点毛病都没有呢?咱们比上不足,但是绝对比下有余。”老人点点头,但并未真正听进去。她一定要向先进人物看齐——姥爷今年九十,但身体比她硬朗些;她身边病患缠身的例子不可胜数,她却总是选择性地忽略。一个亲戚比她小十岁,患有严重的类风湿,阴雨天气苦不堪言。可人家还常打电话来劝慰姥姥,“想开一些”。</p> <p>As the ancient saying goes, ‘Never forget the age of your elders, for it is both a cause for sorrow and joy.’ However over the last few years each time I go to see my grandma there has been more sorrow than joy. I can sense that she is getting old, and the ageing process seems to be accelerating. Perhaps I can sense this more acutely because I only get to go home once a year.</p>
<p>但是姥姥想不开。她嘴上说自己老了,可心里面却接受不了这个现实。她是个十分要强的人。学生时代她以优异成绩,考入一所重点大学,是那个时代不可多得的大学生;工作之后,业务突出,厂里都派她去参加全国技术会议。姥姥每谈起自己的光辉岁月时,总会情不自禁地竖起大拇指摇一摇,自豪之情溢于言表。可退休之后,身体状况却不尽如人意,她无法面对这份衰老。</p>  
<p>家人也想了各种办法来试图缓解这些问题。他们苦口婆心劝老人佩戴助听器,设备买回来了,姥姥坚持不戴。直至沟通出现了很大障碍,姥姥决定放弃沟通,“你们说的话都不重要”,老人于是每天封闭于自己的世界里;父母建议买个轮椅,姥姥坚持不坐,“还要有个人推轮椅多麻烦”,老人于是每天把自己禁锢在家里的小空间中。纵你有千条妙计,老人有一票否决。“此题无解”是姥姥最终的答案。</p>  
<p>姥姥是真地老了。无论科技怎样发达,也无法挽回一颗衰老的心。而这种消极的心态不可避免地会进一步加速身体的老化。姥姥只是千千万万老年大军中的一员,年轻的我们也许还无法设身处地感受她的痛苦,但毫无疑问,我们总有一天会加入这个行列。在这个老龄化的社会,怎样以一种积极乐观的心态来平和度过人生最后的这个阶段,值得我们每一个人思考。</p>  
  <p>My grandma is in her early eighties, which doesn’t count as too old in this day and age. Regarding her physical condition, it’s really not that bad. Aside from her lungs having some inflammation, her legs not being so nimble, and her ears not so sharp, she doesn’t have any major ailment. However, everytime we talk, she lists off each and every problem with her body from top to bottom. She then shakes her head and frowns with a sigh, saying “When you’re old, there’s nothing that’s good anymore.” </p>
  <p>After listening to her talk I am left with a thread of joy; at least her thought process is still very clear, as she can still talk accurately about her problems. Having been been brought up by her since I was young, of course I can understand her feeling of helplessness. So I try to comfort her. “You’re old, how could you not have any ailments?” We may not be in as good shape as some, but we are definitely better off than others. My grandma nods, but doesnt actually process my words. She certainly needs to find somebody to follow as role model. My grandpa, 90 this year, is more sturdy than she is. There are countless people around her suffering ailments all over; despite this, she always selectively overlooks the fact. A relative 10 years younger than her with severe chronic arthritis suffers miserably on overcast days. But they call up my grandma quite often and tell her to “shake it off.“</p>
  <p>But my grandma is unable to do so. She says she’s old, but doesn’t accept so in her heart. She’s a strong person. In her student days she got into a key university on behalf of her excellent academics. Having been a rare caliber of student, after she started a job, her job performance was also outstanding, and her company would dispatch her to attend national technological seminars. Every time grandma speaks about those glory years, she can’t help but raise her thumbs up in a way that expresses her pride more than words could. Indeed, her bodily condition did become less ideal after retirement; she is incapable of facing the reality of her aging. </p>
  <p>My family has thought about all kinds of ways to solve this problem. They did their utmost to persuade grandma to wear a hearing aid, but after bringing one home she resisted in wearing it. When communication barriers arose, she would decisively give up communicating, saying “Whatever you all say isn’t important.” Consequentially, grandma is locked up in her own world. My parents advise her to get a wheelchair, but because getting somebody to push is “too troublesome”, she resists. She locks herself up in the small space of her home. For each idea you have on the matter, she has a rebuttal. No solution is her solution. </p>
  <p>Grandma is really old. But regardless of how advanced technology is, it’s not able to save an old person’s heart. And Grandma’s negative emotional state inevitably accelerates her aging process. Grandma is only one member in a legion of elderly people; youth like ourselves can’t put ourselves in their position to understand their pain. But undoubtedly, every one of us will have a day in which we join those ranks. In this aging society, it is worth our consideration for how to find a positive, optimistic mindset for coming to peace with this final phase of life.</p>

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About Michael Broughton