In life, there are always unhappy moments – 生活中总有不如意, – English

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In life, there are always unhappy moments, but some things just have to come at the wrong time. I am already seven months pregnant, but the man who used to be Mr Goody-Goody has humiliated me and unmasked a strange alter ego. It is not because of an extramarital affair, or because he is unfeeling, or because he is attached to someone else. It is simply because we are married, we are about to have a baby, and he suddenly realises that the life he wants for himself has not started, and so he begins to be depressed, to blame, and to look for stimulation outside the home. Baby will be meeting Pa and Ma in two more months. I should welcome him joyfully, but it is too late to dry my tears. I had never expected the good fortune and bliss that others assume I enjoy after a five-year courtship, two years of marriage, and the timely arrival of a darling baby would change to suffering very soon. He appears to be gentle, but, in reality, all kinds of dark thoughts are surging inside him. He regrets that he relented when his family rushed him into marrying; he grudges being a father at twenty-seven years old; he is disappointed that he courted a girl only once in his life; and he is fed up with his humdrum job and the monotony of life. Actually, which of your grievances have I not experienced too? I am as old as you. We met more than ten years ago, fell in love for the first time when we were second year undergraduates, and our relationship blossomed. I have never been tried and tested by love, and I did not have enough time to enjoy living on my own. Yet, you are convinced your indignation justifies your callous attitude. When I am enduring pregnancy, you keep spouting harsh words at me, so much so that I cannot dodge fast enough. I have cried too often, my tears flowing uncontrollably. I am really worried that this is bad for precious Baby. But how can I possibly rein in my emotions? Each time after I allowed your strange reasoning to torment me, I would still struggle to get back on my feet. I deliberately put on a brave front, determined not to show weakness again. But at the end of it all, you still do not understand. You duped me once by feigning love, and then you pretended you did not mean to weaken me. I do not know how damned blind I must have been all these years to have mistakenly entrusted my whole life to you. Besides, what kind of an idiot one must be to have failed to see through your hypocrisy. I keep telling myself you do not mean to hurt me. At least you love me, and love will ultimately last till we grow old. I tell myself again and again that you will shower boundless fatherly love to build a safe home for your wife and child after our baby’s birth. I constantly say to myself that it is my fault he is avoiding responsibility. But this is not reality. The truth is, I have met an utterly useless man. He acts stupid in various ways, and he fakes innocence and immaturity. He is afraid of shouldering responsibilities, and he shirks them. Even all our love cannot survive the trials of these ten months. It is freaking lucky that I am the one who is pregnant, otherwise our unborn child would have been lost long ago.

From the 26th of July, 2013 onwards, I knew how to safeguard myself and my child. I steer clear of the alien’s flattery and harm. I no longer trust sweet talk. If you are irresponsible again, please get out of my and our child’s lives.

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Source : Shudong

About julien.leyre

French-Australian writer, educator, sinophile. Any question? Contact julien@marcopoloproject.org