From a Female PhD student: Being pushed by my mother-in-law to have a second kid really hurts – 女博士:被婆婆强迫生二胎好痛苦 – English

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You are viewing an old revision of this post, from March 9, 2016 @ 04:51:30. See below for differences between this version and the current revision.

广秀老师:

I’m a PhD student with a two year old daughter. In many people’s eyes I’m a very fortunate woman. My husband treats me pretty good, his parents are also very nice to me. Although I got married far away from home, I don’t feel lonely. However, one thing that I’m unable to get out of my head is that my mother-in-law is really eager for me to give her a grandson. Before the full liberalisation of the one child policy, she would rather see her son give up a well-paid government job, so that we could give her a grandson. Now the policy has changed, and she is even more persistent, ready to move mountains just to get me and my husband to come up with the second pregnancy.

公公是个老小孩,婆婆说她这辈子都为儿子而活,尽管她还有个女儿,但在她的观念里,女儿是外人,儿子就是她的命,所以,她不遗余力地把我老公培养成材,他们母子感情非常好。老公虽然想要两个,但一个孩子他也能接受,他主要的压力来自他妈,觉得他妈那么辛苦地把他培养成人,心心念念的就是抱上孙子,他实在不忍心忤逆她。

在这件事上,如果让我自己选择,我觉得有个女儿就够了,好好培养一样成材。就算是想生二胎,也得是我觉得有必要并且情愿生才行。如今,是婆婆逼着我要生,并且非要生个儿子,这让我心里非常不舒服,感觉我自己的肚子都不能自己做主,沦为给婆家传宗接代的工具了。

从结婚开始,我为此事和婆婆争论了很多次,无论哪种方式她都很坚定,没有丝毫妥协的念头。有时真想离婚算了,我也养得起女儿,就让老公再去找个愿意给他生儿子的女人好了。但想到女儿需要爸爸,而且我们夫妻感情一直很好,仅仅因为这件事就结束婚姻很不理智。

今天凌晨一件事点燃了我的愤怒。因为女儿睡觉不踏实,惊醒时需要人起来抱着她拍哄着入睡,昨晚我已经被折腾得起来过三次,由于产后一直腰疼,当她第四次哭闹时,我实在没力气再抱起26斤重的女儿,就把她放在床上,她啼哭了一会儿,眼看着就快睡着了,婆婆却拿来牛奶,孩子因为受惊,愤怒地大哭不止,既不要老公,也不要婆婆,就要我抱。

我又累又气, 觉得委屈极了。心说你们都喊着让我生孩子,但现在一个孩子都搞不定,再来一个孩子,我是不是就得左手一个右手一个?因为我不是那种把孩子丢给长辈不管的人,真生的话,我得边攻读博士学位,边搞科研边照顾俩孩子,我又不是铁打的,能扛得住吗?

我知道劝婆婆放弃她的执着没用,但是劝我妥协我也很委屈。我知道孩子生下来是自己的,最终受益者也有我,不生这个孩子我的婚姻生活很难安宁。但我不想那么累,更不想是在被强迫的状态下生。这事是我们家所有矛盾的根源,除此之外,我跟婆婆相处还不错,真不知道该如何解决这个问题,请帮帮我。



Source : 新浪博客
image source:http://blog.sina.com.cn/s/blog_499ed1890102wv51.html

Article Revisions:

Changes:

March 9, 2016 @ 04:51:30Current Revision
Content
  <p>To Teacher Guang Xiu,</p>
  <p>
  I know there’s no point in trying to persuade my mother-in-law to give up her obsession, however I also feel it’s unfair to get me to compromise. I know that I'll be giving birth to my own child and it's ultimately for my own good, and not having this child will make it hard to a have a peaceful married life. However I don't want to be so stressed and moreover do not want to give birth out of compulsion. This whole<br>
  I know there’s no point in trying to persuade my mother-in-law to give up her obsession, however I also feel it’s unfair to get me to compromise. I know that I'll be giving birth to my own child and it's ultimately for my own good, and not having this child will make it hard to a have a peaceful married life. However I don't want to be so stressed and moreover do not want to give birth out of compulsion. This whole</p>
<p>广秀老师:</p>  <p>
<p>I'm a PhD student with a two year old daughter. In many people's eyes I'm a very fortunate woman. My husband treats me pretty good, his parents are also very nice to me. Although I got married far away from home, I don't feel lonely. However, one thing that I'm unable to get out of my head is that my mother-in-law is really eager for me to give her a grandson. Before the full liberalisation of the one child policy, she would rather see her son give up a well-paid government job, so that we could give her a grandson. Now the policy has changed, and she is even more persistent, ready to move mountains just to get me and my husband to come up with the second pregnancy.</p>  
<p>公公是个老小孩,婆婆说她这辈子都为儿子而活,尽管她还有个女儿,但在她的观念里,女儿是外人,儿子就是她的命,所以,她不遗余力地把我老公培养成材,他们母子感情非常好。老公虽然想要两个,但一个孩子他也能接受,他主要的压力来自他妈,觉得他妈那么辛苦地把他培养成人,心心念念的就是抱上孙子,他实在不忍心忤逆她。</p>  
<p>在这件事上,如果让我自己选择,我觉得有个女儿就够了,好好培养一样成材。就算是想生二胎,也得是我觉得有必要并且情愿生才行。如今,是婆婆逼着我要生,并且非要生个儿子,这让我心里非常不舒服,感觉我自己的肚子都不能自己做主,沦为给婆家传宗接代的工具了。</p>  
<p>从结婚开始,我为此事和婆婆争论了很多次,无论哪种方式她都很坚定,没有丝毫妥协的念头。有时真想离婚算了,我也养得起女儿,就让老公再去找个愿意给他生儿子的女人好了。但想到女儿需要爸爸,而且我们夫妻感情一直很好,仅仅因为这件事就结束婚姻很不理智。</p>  
<p>今天凌晨一件事点燃了我的愤怒。因为女儿睡觉不踏实,惊醒时需要人起来抱着她拍哄着入睡,昨晚我已经被折腾得起来过三次,由于产后一直腰疼,当她第四次哭闹时,我实在没力气再抱起26斤重的女儿,就把她放在床上,她啼哭了一会儿,眼看着就快睡着了,婆婆却拿来牛奶,孩子因为受惊,愤怒地大哭不止,既不要老公,也不要婆婆,就要我抱。</p>  
<p>我又累又气, 觉得委屈极了。心说你们都喊着让我生孩子,但现在一个孩子都搞不定,再来一个孩子,我是不是就得左手一个右手一个?因为我不是那种把孩子丢给长辈不管的人,真生的话,我得边攻读博士学位,边搞科研边照顾俩孩子,我又不是铁打的,能扛得住吗?</p>  
<p>我知道劝婆婆放弃她的执着没用,但是劝我妥协我也很委屈。我知道孩子生下来是自己的,最终受益者也有我,不生这个孩子我的婚姻生活很难安宁。但我不想那么累,更不想是在被强迫的状态下生。这事是我们家所有矛盾的根源,除此之外,我跟婆婆相处还不错,真不知道该如何解决这个问题,请帮帮我。</p>  
   matter is the cause of conflict in our family, and apart from this I get along with my mother-in-law quite OK. I really don't know how to resolve this issue. Please help. </p>

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About Michael Broughton