Everyone is spoiling children – 人人都在惯孩子 – English

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Since I was little, I’ve heard adults say that spoiling a child is like killing them. I even remember listening to a story, it was about a widow who’d brought up her child alone from a young age. She never said anything or lifted her hand, spoiled the child to no end. Later, the child started stealing, but she still remained passive, until in the end he stole so much that he was condemned to death. Before his death, he asked to see his mother, and taste his mother’s milk for the last time. As a result, he bit off his mother’s nipple, and told her bitterly, if you hadn’t spoiled me so much, I wouldn’t be here today.

Unfortunately, nobody talks about this anymore today, and even the story vanished. At first glance, it seems everyone got used to spoiling children. Of course, the result of spoiling a child is not necessarily as terrible as in this story, and many children, although they’ve been spoilt, still have a good heart, so they would never do anything bad. But the results of coddling are still manifest: many people today complain about the shortcomings and attitude of the post-80s and post-90s generation, but all these complaints are the result of a lifetime of spoiling.

City kids are spoiled, village kids are also spoiled. When I was at university, I noted that students who came from rural areas were able to do everything they wanted, and they were ready to do it. Now, students from rural areas are even more spoiled than the ones from the city, and they can’t do anything. The fact that they can’t do anything is not the greatest evil from their being spoiled: the worst is when they later get married, and they need to learn how to run a house from scratch. 动手能力差,多挨老板剋,自己慢慢学就是。反正历史留给这个时代的,就是这样的80后,90后,when their parents’ generations formed families, they had to accept it even if they didn’t want to, and learn how to do things even if they couldn’t, because their wasn’t anything else to do. The biggest evil of spoiling this generation of children is that their sense of responsibility for the common good is not strong, or to say it otherwise, 不自立.

As a teacher, every year I help a few poor students, and every time I lend them money, I think OK, it’s a loan, not a gift. But of course, if they don’t pay it back, I won’t press them about it. In fact, I don’t really care about that money. However, I found out that after graduation, none of my male students have paid me back, and neither have most of my female students. It is clear that boys are more spoilt than girls, in their eyes, not repaying a loan is just how things are. They basically can’t understand that paying back money is a responsibility, and that by not paying it back, they not only escape the responsibility, but also lose face. Yet even losing face in front of me, they don’t seem to care, and it’s hard to imagine, once they get into the community, whether they will care about their own face and their own dignity. Of course, I can’t believe that they’re going to have any success in the future.

In fact, every adult knows, even without telling this traditional story, that spoiling children is not good. The reason why spoiling still happens in spite of this, to a large extent, is that each family only has one child, and cannot afford to lose them. But children who have gotten too used to pampering might reach a point where, if they’re not satisfied, they threaten to commit suicide, and when it gets to this, all parents can do is surrender. In fact, even we might say that the so-called national one-child policy is a difficult thing to change, even with just one child, from a rational point of view, not spoiling them is a better choice than spoiling them.

What we call ‘spoiling’, to a large part, is due to the fear of the child running away, but in the real world, how many people can actually put food directly in the mouths of their children and hold their hands all the time? No matter how, children always want to walk the world on their own. And when they do, there is always danger and disease. In fact, people are like all animals, as soon as we’re born, there is a risk, whether we worry about it or not, whether we’re careful or not, there is always risk. From a probability perspective, if we let our children go through some tribulations, get a bit of rough training, there is actually a higher probability that they will survive and thrive. And even if the child is entirely spoiled, and everything is arranged by adults, in general, parents will die first, leaving their child behind, and the remaining days of that surviving child will no doubt be very difficult. Not only will the chance that they suffer increase, but also their risk of just breaking up.

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Source : 21ccom

About julien.leyre

French-Australian writer, educator, sinophile. Any question? Contact julien@marcopoloproject.org